


On Trust at the End of the World

by voiceless_terror



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Asexual Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Can you tell I am bothered by the 'office gossip' bit, Gen, Jon the Night before the Unknowing, Reaction to Ep 106, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:28:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26254177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voiceless_terror/pseuds/voiceless_terror
Summary: Jon grapples with 'office gossip' and what it means to him.
Comments: 37
Kudos: 222





	On Trust at the End of the World

**Author's Note:**

> This deals directly with Melanie and Basira's conversation about Jon in 106. Did not think it was very cool of Georgie to out him and for Melanie to do it as well. So here's my idea of Jon's thoughts on the matter.

It’s fine. 

This had become Jon’s mantra over the past few weeks, maybe even months. The kidnappings, the injuries, the steady build up of hatred from people he used to call friends and coworkers. They had been through a lot, it was completely understandable. And he was trying to _trust_ them, to not think their vitriol was motivated by malevolence or a desire to hurt him.That might not have been true, it probably wasn’t true at all, actually- but if it got him through the Unknowing, through this awful waiting, then it worked. 

Tim and Jon were sharing a hotel room, but the man had left for a walk long ago. Probably for the best- Jon wanted to talk, Tim didn’t. Tim was ready to die, and Jon wasn’t ready to accept that. Would _never_ accept that. Sasha had been killed, _taken_ and he hadn’t noticed for months. Her real voice echoes with that of her imposter, but he can never get her true face right. Martin swore he had a polaroid from his birthday years ago, but that was long lost. Her face was gone, and he didn’t feel he had a right to it anymore. And the one person who could talk to him about it, remember the years before where they’d been friends had no interest in speaking to him at all. 

So then why was he so fixated on this ‘office gossip,’ as he said in his statement?

He’d been through so much and there was so much more on the line. Did he have a right to be angry about some offhand remarks made in casual conversation? In a conversation he was definitely not meant to hear ( _or was he?)_

It wasn’t the bits about Martin, no. It was- it was- 

_Jon doesn’t._

_Yeah, that does explain some stuff._

Jon wasn’t uncomfortable with his sexuality. In fact, being able to put a name to it had made him more comfortable with it than ever. The struggle had been in the understanding, not the clarity. The clarity was a relief. Like feeling whole again, realizing he’d never been broken to begin with. 

Georgie had understood that and had been fine with it. That wasn’t the issue in their relationship. Their downfall had been communication- or Jon’s lack thereof. He shared himself in bits and pieces; years of living with a grandmother who wasn’t keen on emotional conversations, who believed a ‘private life should stay private’ had ingrained those views into him. He was an intensely private person, sometimes to the detriment of those around him. His feelings felt burdensome; if he didn’t enjoy them, why would anyone else? He and Georgie were never going to work. Georgie in all her insensitivity and bluntness, her willingness to say the first thing that popped into her mind no matter how hurtful. And he, exactly the opposite. He knows now that opening up to people isn’t a weakness. And he’s trying, he really is.

But he thought Georgie respected that privacy. Respected what he wished others to know. And yet here it was, being regurgitated through Melanie like it meant nothing. And now through Basira. 

_That explains some stuff._

What does it explain? What workplace behavior or aspect of his personality could be boiled down to his asexuality? And more importantly, what did it have to do with either of them? Did it bother Georgie enough that she thought it casual conversation to share at the bar with someone who so clearly hated him? What gave her the right to give away those pieces of himself that he entrusted to her all those years ago? Like it was _trivia_ , something for Melanie to parrot to others like it was hers to give. And Basira, with her mystifying reaction. 

His time with Georgie over the past few weeks hadn’t been all sunshine and roses. They were both deeply traumatized people, and they fell into their old banter to deal with it. He knew he could never go back to Georgie’s, she didn’t want to be involved with this life and that was fine. He accepted it. But this felt unsettling, like a betrayal of a different kind. Was it okay to out him now that he was turning into something less than human? Was it some sort of punishment?

_It wasn’t hers to give._

All these pieces of himself were slipping away. The tighter he held on, the less they seemed to matter to anyone else. Georgie said he needed friends, he needed _anchors_ to stay human.

But more and more, Georgie didn’t feel like one of those anchors anymore. 

Jon was angry. He had a right to be. Not just at himself, but at all the hypocrisy and the lies and the manipulation he’d been faced with. And that he couldn’t complain lest he lose the only people who were still left. He wanted to scream and rage at the unfairness of it all. But there was no one left to hear.

It was the end of the world and Jon was tired. 

But he knew he wouldn’t sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of this came from a place of struggling with my own sexuality and how to come out. So I thought I'd use that to explain why this bit always bothered me. I've also run it by a few others. But please let me know if there's things you think I could do better with handling, I'm well aware that my views on this moment may not be universal and am always open to criticism. I know this is a sensitive topic for people including myself.
> 
> Thank you for reading- you can find me @voiceless-terror on tumblr for prompts and asks.


End file.
